New Moon in Gemini started out really intense for me, as old wounds came up. At first, I did not see this amazing opportunity right in front of me… the opportunity of deep integration, an opportunity to choose love, and to release the ego and of what no longer served me.
"New Moon in Gemini offers us an amazing opportunity to be consciously aware of our thoughts, of what we are telling ourselves… the story we tell ourselves and the attachments we feel we have towards people and things. This Super Moon is huge… and I felt the pains and aches of the past as I was confronted with olds wounds… and triggers".
MONEY came up… yesterday (May 24/17) ... I was to a point where I almost went back to dancing … something in my being knew it wasn’t right obviously but seriously guys, I was so close to going back. Something in my being stopped me & I broke down, I cried… and slept for most of that day.
BEING WORTHY came up … I was confiding in a man (an amazing man) to make me feel worthy, and got upset when he did not “fight for me” when I pushed him away.
You could say that yesterday I had a really bad fucking day.
Am I the only one who manifests the same type of relationship? … or better yet, the same type of triggers in a relationship? This is due to unhealed wounds, and subconscious beliefs.
What is this New Moon trying to tell you? What is your higher self trying to tell you in regard to any unhealthy attachments you may have to some people and some beliefs ?
Here’s what happened with me … So… I am in love. He is amazing… he is also a Gemini, both Sun AND Moon. He is SO fun! And hilarious… and knows how to lighten things, He is very honest when it comes to bullshit. I like that… We connected the very first time we ever spent time together… he is so beautiful in such an uplifting way. But me being a Taurus woman, I need to feel nurtured, listened to and be witnessed in all aspects of myself… Gemini’s aren't really like that. They're always looking for the next best and fun thing to do… they expect to feel good all the time, and sometimes are afraid to transmute any pain, even when its in their best interest…. they’re very spontaneous…. they're very in the moment (which is great) and don’t like to feel like they’re stuck in one spot or “held down,” especially in a romantic relationship. This however , had triggered something deep within me that I was holding on to.. that had come to the surface. I had felt unworthy, I felt deep grief and I felt powerlessness.
I had to ask myself… if this was real love or am I with him because I want him to make me feel worthy. Am I with him because subconsciously, he reminds me of my own father, and of wanting my father to love me, witness me and accept me ? And the truth is… BOTH are true. But where was I choosing to focus? Am I willing to face some pain that this man brings out in me, some things I am not seeing clearly or want to admit, or transmute. I had to ask myself… when was the last time I felt this way… And it was clear. The relationship with my own father. My father being a Gemini as well… everything just spoke true to me in that realization. And then it hit me….
“ I am ENOUGH even if someone does not love me unconditionally.” We are all extensions of Source, we are LOVE at the core… that's literally what we are made of. We are made of this energy, of pure consciousness,… so there is no way that I can't ever be enough or loved, even if my ego tells me differently. The truth is… I am enough even when I am not “doing” anything, when I am simply sitting… and even if I sometimes let my ego control my physical self…. I am still enough".
Gosh and it feels so good saying that, and knowing that.
Instead of continuing to feel sorry for myself … I chose to really make the best out of this New Moon in Gemini.
I feel I have passed the test :) YAY!
And whatever happens between me and this Beautiful Gemini man, is what’s suppose to happen…. and DOES NOT dictate my worth. I now know & am this truth.
Have you been feeling this way too? Have old wounds been brought up ?
After this epiphany … I took my power back.
Here’s how I deepened into the New Moon in Gemini :
- I lit my beautiful white candle! To officially start this New Moon in Gemini Ceremony.
- I knew I had to face, and release all this old shit…. So I put on some music, got naked and danced with my shame. I touched and danced with aspects of myself that felt unworthy… she was a reflection of me. I hugged her, kissed her and made her feel comfortable. Ask I breathed consciously, she was letting go, I was letting go. Here is the music we listened to:
After, I had sat down, tuned into my heart beat, into my entire being, New Moon in Gemini spoke clearly to me ...
“You are so enough, simply being here in this moment, makes you enough.” I felt a rush of light and energy pulse through my entire body. This is true. I smiled and gave gratitude to the Great Mother for this download.
- After I had pulled some tarot cards, and usually, I go ahead and read the little book to know exactly what the cards mean so I can go and “do” something about it… But this time, I did not… because I felt that if I did, I would defeat the purpose of being in that moment… of being still and of being enough regardless of what these cards meant or not.
- I then began to write my intentions, and journaled my truth for this New Moon in Gemini. I wrote 4 intentions down, and a page of truth.
- Then I had a beautiful meditation bath. I sang to this water, loving this element of deep emotion and truth… And I gave this water new moon energy from my hands. It was so powerful. The essential oils I used were :
- Clary Sage
To me, I smelt them all together, and it just smelt like New Moon in Gemini. Uplifting, yet relaxing… the complete balance of Gemini.
Now as I write these words...
It’s one thing to be conscious, because yes being self aware is great… but what are we choosing afterwards ? Are we choosing love, or are we choosing fear and attachment…. it’s another to choose self-love, and to detach from the identity of being this or that, then it is to make choices out of fear of not having or being enough.
We live in a society where we feel we have to “go and do” to be something, or “get that” to make ourselves feel whole, when the truth is, we are already enough. And knowing that truth, and being that truth... we will make choices and act upon enough-ness, and worthiness. When we are in that space of enough-ness, and allow the love and beauty of our intentions to live and flow through us, as they ARE us… Will we begin to really feel what inner peace feels like, what ABUNDANCE feels like… As We are not separate from this.
This New Moon in Gemini offers us the release of any old shit we think we need to carry around… If we want to be in alignment… we must choose love always, regardless of the pain we feel when our ego dies.